Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year's Celebrations

Happy New Year everyone!

What did you do at midnight New Year's Eve? Being a Los Angelino, I watched the big ball drop ... in Times Square ... at 9 PM.

What is up with that? I live in Los Angeles ... even if we allow New York to claim the spot as the most important city in the US, we have got to be the second. So why do I have to watch a re-run of the New Year that New York rung in at 9 PM???

So I was watching the festivities on TV, and after New York did their thing at 9 they threw it over to Nashville.

Really? I mean, LA is way more important than Nashville.

But apparently last year they thought, "Hey, New York drops a ball, why don't we drop a guitar ... a giant guitar made of lights ... The Nashville Guitar!"

And this year New Jersey got in on the action! They dropped Snooki at midnight. Personally, I think I'd have dropped her long ago, but that's me.

So New York has a thing, Nashville has a thing, Jersey has a thing ... when does LA get its thing? And what would we drop? I mean, what are we most known for? A giant silicon breast?

We're also famous for TV and movies...so do we drop a studio executive? A roll of film? Dropping film may be difficult ... it's almost impossible to get anything green-lighted in Hollywood.

Maybe we need to follow Jersey's example of dropping celebrities who need to disappear. I'd say maybe Paris Hilton, but she's already sorta gone. Las Vegas dropped her already. We still have Lindsay Lohan, though...she's a good candidate for 2011. Or maybe Mel Gibson. I'd say Charlie Sheen, but he always bounces back, and we'd have to do it all over.

This could be good. We could export this to other states, or even countries. El Paso can drop a giant gun pointed at Juarez. Meanwhile, Juarez can drop a giant lit up 15 year old Coyote with a target on his chest.

We're not even the first country to ring in the new year ... that really goes to New Zealand or Fiji. We're pretty much the last ... I mean, between Alaska and The American Samoa. I think maybe we should coordinate it so that the (whatever) drops are progressively more interesting, reaching a final climax with the last one of the 24 hour period.

Fiji, we could start off dropping a ... palm tree?

Beijing could drop an egg roll. Actually, I guess if they drop an egg roll they'll have to drop one every hour ...

London can drop an effigy of the queen.

New York can have their ball, then Nashville with their guitar. Mexico City will have to drop a Mariachi player. We'll need something for Mountain Time ... that could be Arizona, they can drop an illegal immigrant. Oh! Or a prisoner from one of Sherriff Joe's prisons! Or Wyoming could drop a cowboy. Or we could have Utah drop a Mormon missionary.

Okay, so then we have Pacific time, and we can drop a giant breast over the Staples center. Or maybe US Bank - you can see that from Pershing Square. Or that new Ritz Carlton/Marriott ... you can see that from the Staples Center. California is known for its water activities ... maybe we could rig it with a giant fountain to gush atop the Ritz Carlton at the New Year ... it already looks like a giant penis to me.

Of course, then there would be no topping that. After Los Angeles we pretty much have Alaska and Samoa. Oh, there's Hawaii - they could have a hula dancer hula her way down a pole. Still, there's that one last time zone that includes Samoa and some Alaskan islands. I don't think Samoa is going to get us too excited, so I think the last celebration of the year should be a husky frontiersman, and at midnight he fires a blast killing Alaska's giant pain in the ass grizzly momma, Sarah Palin.

Don't forget to check out the e-book at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/32964
Hopefully I'll have a novella available by the end of this month! Tell a friend!
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